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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29615022">The Beauty of Red</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosarmio/pseuds/rosarmio'>rosarmio</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Angst, Dave Strider Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, POV Dave Strider, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, sorta?? like its not really for that reason but its there.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:08:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,634</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29615022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosarmio/pseuds/rosarmio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Red has always been the bad color to Dave Strider. Due to his lack of self-control, he has now turned Karkat Vantas red. </p>
<p>--- </p>
<p>Red is a... sensitive color for Dave. He notices that KK's eyes are now red and freaks out. Madness ensues.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Beauty of Red</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW : blood</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>red has always been the bad color to dave strider. he dressed in red because he needed to be reminded of his flaws. </p>
<p>coward. idiot. weak. </p>
<p>weak weak weak. </p>
<p>red eyes that he hid so carefully. they showed his emotions. his insecurities. he was vulnerable. </p>
<p>so so so vulnerable. </p>
<p>no one can know youre sad. </p>
<p>people take advantage of people. </p>
<p>the red blood after a strike of a sword to skin. reminders of his failures. a reminder that no matter how hard he tried he would lose. he was nothing but a failure. </p>
<p>disappointing wasnt it?</p>
<p>he disappointed his bro every day. </p>
<p>fucking failure. </p>
<p>karkats eyes were red. they started to speckle red one day. dave noticed when he had tackled karkat. “Fuck! Get off! Haha, I’m gonna get you-“ the troll had teased. </p>
<p>now dave strider sat in shock. </p>
<p>===&gt; Be Dave Strider</p>
<p>fuck. karkats eyes are red. theyre red. red is bad. bad bad fuck fuck. </p>
<p>red... karkat cant be red. karkat is good. karkat is amazing and kind and funny and caring and he cant be red. </p>
<p>“Dave?” he calls out but you stagger backwards. he reaches out to you. you feel bad but you cant touch him. this is your fault you turned him red. </p>
<p>red like fire. bro used to burn you when you talked back. </p>
<p>red like blood. you can taste it in your mouth. like when bro put razors in the food. they scraped against your tongue like they were having their own personal strife. just like you and bro. </p>
<p>blood. you can smell it all around you. like when you tried to bathe and clean yourself after a strife and you turned the water red.  you passed out and only awoke when bro pushed your head under the water. </p>
<p>crimson blood. its hot. you feel it. it trickles down your nose. to your lips. your chin. your neck. it tickles a bit as it soaks you. bro pushed you down the stairs again. as you walk back up you feel your bones aching and cracking. the blood feels like snot. you feel sick. you are sick. </p>
<p>its thick. the blood falls slowly down your wall. you watch it from where you lie on the cold cement floor. its gonna leave a stain. youd clean it but you cant stand. bro beat you unconscious. you cant walk. the blood drips onto the ground and leaves splats on the cement. you touch it. its still warm. </p>
<p>drip. drip. drip. you hear the blood falling from your shoulder down your arm and onto the floor. each time it hits the ground you hear it splat just to be followed by another. you cant move your arm though. bro stepped on it when you were down in a fight. so you just let the drip drip drip ease you to sleep. </p>
<p>red like your eyes. bro always hated your eyes. he said yours were even worse than his. sometimes when he punched you hed aim for your eyes for that sole reason. </p>
<p>red like your sneakers. theyre worn and dirty but theyre bright red. anyone could see them from a mile away. bro got them for you when you were ten. got you a size too big so theyd fit you longer. he wouldnt get you another pair til your toes began to bruise and bleed. </p>
<p>“Red.”</p>
<p>karkat loses it. he covers his eyes and shrieks. youre worried he might be hurt.</p>
<p>“Shit! That’s not supposed to happen! Fuck, what’s wrong with me?” he cries out and pink tears spring from his eyes. </p>
<p>you did this to him. you did this. red is contagious. thats why bro didnt let you have friends. thats why bro never hung out with you. red is contagious and you are a plague. </p>
<p>reach out to karkat. hug him. comfort him. </p>
<p>no. youll make it worse. isolate. he cant be red. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” you mumble right before booking it to your room. youre horrible and contagious and you need to pay for this and make his red go away. </p>
<p>red for red. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>you let yourself fall to the floor in your room. red for red. you need to bargain. you throw your shades across the room. they crack. its deafening. </p>
<p>poking at your eyes, you beg, “C’mon! Red for red! Red for red!” it hurts. stings. tears form. you hope the red spills out from your eyes and out all across your room.</p>
<p>nothing happens. </p>
<p>a red shirt. you reach for it under your bed. wheres your lighter? red for red. light it on fire. </p>
<p>the shirt goes up in flames. it singes and burns your fingertips when you refuse to drop it. </p>
<p>“Tss! Ah!” you hiss as the flames die against your fingertips. </p>
<p>your shoes. you take your katana out and slice your shoes to bits. youll never fit them again. </p>
<p>nothing. nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing. </p>
<p>the ceiling starts to swirl. your eyes are blurry. its tears. youre crying. “Red for red!” you whimper. </p>
<p>a laugh breaks through you. youre cracking up. its all silent. silent cackles as tears pour down your face like a flood. </p>
<p>“Red for red! Red for - haha - red!” </p>
<p>red. for. red. the katana slices your legs. deep. it bleeds immediately. again. </p>
<p>again again again again againagainagainagainagian. </p>
<p>youre addicted to the feeling. youre on top of the world. the red pools around you as you laugh at the ceiling which looks down on you. its twisting and twirling and the pool of blood around you starts to wave. </p>
<p>grinning at the blood, you wave back and let out a giggle choked with a sob. </p>
<p>red. so much red. red red red. its your favorite color. it has to be. it always had to be. </p>
<p>its a bad color. but it makes you feel pretty. you wear it with pride as it trickles down your legs and hips. </p>
<p>red is your color. its beautiful on you because you wear its shame and flaw and it shows off your impurity and horrors. </p>
<p>you dab your fingers in the blood to observe it up close. like paint. you could paint a beautiful painting. </p>
<p>fuck. you could be beautiful. </p>
<p>gracefully as ever you paint the red on your face and neck. a masterpiece. its beautiful. youre finally beautiful. imperfection on purpose. </p>
<p>it stings. a feeling youre familiar with. </p>
<p>your breath is coming out fast. you can see it leaving your mouth and you reach out to grasp at it. it twists around your fingers. it begins slithering down your arm like a snake and it hisses at you and starts gradually disappearing. </p>
<p>you wonder if bro would be proud of you now. you’re beautiful now with all the hues of shame and cowardice and flaw pooling around you and painted on your face. maybe he would see you and be in shock and marvel at your art. this is art. what you have made is the art of everything that is wrong with you.</p>
<p>it is pure red. pure imperfection.</p>
<p>that’s when you begin to float. you’ve done it. you’ve finally done something right. red for red. karkats eyes will be back to their usual grey. hes gonna be back to normal. you saved him. you saved him and youre floating because life knows youve finally done something right. </p>
<p>the sound of your heart beating floods through your ears like a monsoon. its so loud you think you may go deaf.</p>
<p>your surroundings are fuzzed and blurry. you can feel the static from all around you seeping in through your wounds and traveling up and through your body. </p>
<p>light spills out into your room. someone is at your door and you try to look over but your body won’t move. numb. </p>
<p>an echo travels from one ear to the next. someone must be talking. you cant tell who it is or what they say. </p>
<p>chills run through you as a familiar but blurry face appears over you. karkat. hes talking and you can sort of hear but not really. you laugh at the way his broken and loopy voice sounds. he scowls at you as everything starts to dim.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>your skin feels… tight. and youre warm. youre really warm. fuck its hot. why are you in bed. how did you get here and why are there bandages on your arms and legs and stomach and why are you in nothing but boxers and </p>
<p>“Fuck! Dave, shit! You’re awake! I thought you were gonna fucking keel over and die.”</p>
<p>karkat. he runs over to the side of your bed with a glass of water. “Drink this.” he shoves it toward you and you grab it but it shakes in your hands and spills. karkat takes it back from you. “Jegus shit, Dave, what happened to you?”</p>
<p>what happened to you. what happened. what did you do.</p>
<p>you didnt… you didnt hurt karkat did you. fuck. fuck fuck. you try to speak but all that comes out is a choked sob to alert you that youve begun to cry. </p>
<p>“Dave!” karkat rushes to take your hands in his. gently. hes being gentle. why. you dont deserve that. you dont deserve gentleness. bro taught that to you long ago. </p>
<p>his touch is warm. its unlike bros. bro was always cold and harsh. his touch hurt. it was tight and it burned. and karkats touch is like a warm blanket after being out in the cold. </p>
<p>why. “Why?” your voice is hoarse. were you screaming or something what were you doing what the fuck. </p>
<p>it all just sorta hits you at once. oh. </p>
<p>youve had shit like that happen before. after bad days with bro youd just have these breakdowns where you arent even yourself and everything is just so much and</p>
<p>when did karkat start hugging you. so so so gently. “Hey, just talk to me, you’re okay. I treated the wounds. You’re gonna live.”</p>
<p>“Was I gonna die?” you say it before you can even think. was it really that bad holy shit. </p>
<p>karkat nods slowly and sniffles. “Uh. Maybe. I walked in just in time. If I hadn’t… I don’t think you would’ve made it.” fuck. </p>
<p>“How long have I been…?” </p>
<p>“In and out for a bit. Not sure quite how long. But, a while.”</p>
<p>fuck. “I’m sorry.” why do you do this to people.</p>
<p>he runs a hand through your hair. its nice. tender. “It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re alright.” </p>
<p>why would he be glad that youre alright. youre red. all that red and for nothing. why would he be glad that youre okay when you failed. bro never loved you when you failed. he was never glad you were alright after a strife. </p>
<p>you dont deserve to be loved. not after failure like this. </p>
<p>your sob shakes you a bit. you just cry into karkats shoulder. </p>
<p>what could you have done to be worthy of this gentleness. what could you have done to be more than a failure. to be more than weak. </p>
<p>and why doesnt karkat see that. why doesnt he see your flaws and imperfections. </p>
<p>you dont deserve this. </p>
<p>he runs a hand through your hair while rubbing your back and purring. its nice. peaceful. </p>
<p>you wish you had died.</p>
<p>“I’m so, so glad you’re okay.”</p>
<p>you wish you werent. </p>
<p>karkat can sense this in you. you can tell by the way he holds you tight and purrs even louder. “You’re so, so wonderful. Don’t ever think otherwise for a second, nookbrain. You mean so much to me.”</p>
<p>you mean so much to him. how. how could you mean anything to someone as good as him when youre gross and pathetic and dirty and weak and cruel and stupid. how is that possible.</p>
<p>how is it possible for someone so great to care for someone so small. </p>
<p>its cruel of you to love him the way you do. he doesnt need someone so pathetic loving him. he deserves better. </p>
<p>yet the way hes looking at you right now says otherwise. he pulls away from you a bit and cups his hands around your face. his eyes are full of this raw emotion that you rarely see from him. are you really that bad. how could you be so horrible if he cares about you. maybe you arent as bad as you think. </p>
<p>he wipes a few of your tears away with a soft thumb. </p>
<p>youre exhausted. you want to sleep. but you dont want karkat to worry or miss you. </p>
<p>“You seem tired. Wanna nap?” he asks. its almost like he can read your mind which is honestly not something youd be surprised by at this point. </p>
<p>all you can do is nod. with that he lies down in bed next to you and you move around a bit to get comfortable. the two of you are close. almost touching. but you feel cold. you want him to hold you. you want him to make you feel safe. to protect you.</p>
<p>“C’mere.” you look over at him for a moment to see him gesturing for you to scoot closer. cuddle. he wants to cuddle. </p>
<p>you do just as he asks unreluctantly. he wraps your arms around him and allows you to rest your face against his shoulder. its comfortable. youre warm and you feel like you arent alone for the first time in so so so long. </p>
<p>karkats clicks and purrs drive you to a sleepy state. your eyelids are heavy and you feel as though youre resting on a cloud. </p>
<p>part of you is paranoid that bro will find you. if he found you like this hed probably kill you. you squeeze karkat a bit tighter and see the hint of red that spreads onto his cheeks. for the first time that red makes you feel like everything is okay for now. </p>
<p>red like strawberries. you hadnt had a strawberry before rose alchemized one for you. it was good. tasted sweet and sour at the same time. it had a nice texture. one that would never make you get goosebumps and shiver when you touched it. </p>
<p>red like a poppy. karkat had said once that those were his favorite earth flowers. rose had showed the trolls a book with pictures of types of flowers on earth. karkat immediately asked if he could cut out the picture of the poppy to put on his wall. </p>
<p>red like the fireworks you would see on the fourth of july outside of the window in your apartment. the loud noise always overwhelmed you so you would listen to your favorite music while you watched the bright colors explode in the night sky. the red was always your favorite.</p>
<p>red like the candies the bagger at the store you shopped at would slip into your bag. he knew why you went there probably. it should have been obvious why once or twice a month a kid would sneak in and buy apple juice and bandages. so eventually he started slipping red candies into your bag for free. </p>
<p>red like the bird you sometimes saw on the roof after a strife. itd never fly away when you approached it. you two would just keep a respectful distance. it was a friendly bird. you think maybe it knew you were in pain. </p>
<p>red like the sunset after even the hardest and most painful days. the sun always set into a red glow over your city. a sense of familiarity. a sense of peace after a storm.</p>
<p>karkat is red and you are too. but red is a good thing. karkat made a color that was once nothing but evil and pain and weakness into something that is beautiful.</p>
<p>you allow yourself to finally drift into a beautiful red dream. you hope karkat will be there too.</p>
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